Health & Wellness

Living with hairballs

by COCOA BEAN | Managing Editor

It’s mortifying!  You’re staying at your tom’s house after a romantic date, or you’re enjoying tuna hors d’oeuvres at a posh party…

… when you feel “the hack” coming on! 

Panicked, you rush to that safe hidey spot behind the nearest hooman toilet.  Then, you gag twice before you puke up a slimy wad of loose fur.  Hoping that no one has witnessed this disgraceful moment, you race out of the bathroom at top speed then check yourself around the corner.  You sashay back into the room, tail held high, as if nothing has happened.  But, as you give your tom a nuzzle or your friends a fist-bump, you worry about your little faux pas, and you just hope that your hooman doesn’t find your hairball with her barefoot!

Look, we’ve all been there, and indeed, I confess that I’ve been there (and so has my hooman, which is probably why she wears “indoor shoes” now).  After all, hairballs are a part of kitty-life.  Yet, that doesn’t mean that we can’t take measures to control them! 

Let’s start with the basics, shall we…? 

Symptoms

• A peculiar feeling of fullness, which of course makes no sense because there is always room for more turkey treats!
• Fatigue, apathy, and grouchiness, especially towards your hooman
• A terrible tummy ache, possibly resulting in constipation or diarrhea.
• A disagreeable need to hack up something fuzzy from your tummy
• The actual expulsion of a gooey fuzzball with – alas – a bit of moistened kibble

Mechanism

We kitties are tidy creatures with an obsessive predilection for long baths.  Naturally, as we bathe and allogroom, our little pink tongues trap loose hairs.  Once swallowed, these hairs travel through our digestive tract and find their – ahem – terminus in the litterbox.  Unfortunately, these hairs sometimes amass in our tummies, forming a barf-worthy hairball.

Causes

Some kitties suffer from frequent hairballs due to:

• Overgrooming, either alone or together—OMG!  How obscene!  Get a room!
• Insufficient bathing—Ewww, gross!
• Stress leading to either overgrooming or insufficient bathing—We should all learn how to chill out meow and again!
• Skin conditions—So embarrassing!
• Digestive issues—A deed most foul!
• Dehydration—Ha, typical!
• Coat length—Excuse me?!?

Not that I’m passing judgment or anything.  I mean, what’s a kitty to do?!

Remedies

There are several OTC remedies available, including some yummy treats and some less yummy hairball control foods.  Otherwise, tuna and sardines contain natural oils that lubricate our digestive tracts, presenting a tasty option for fish-loving felines.

But, OMG, my hooman once gave me a tablespoon of canned pumpkin, which she told me contains fiber and aids passage.  But, Hello?!  Am I the only kitty wondering if our hoomans have forgotten that we’re carnivores?  I say, leave the squash to the mice! 

For especially pesky hairballs, which just refuse to come up after multiple noisy attempts, you could try the various pastes on the market.  While these pastes are effective, I personally find them yucky, especially when my hooman smears them on the back of my paws forcing me to lick the stuff.  I mean, where’s the respect?!  But I do get a bit of pay back; I end up flicking the sticky gunk everywhere, causing my hooman to go into a cleaning frenzy.  Karma, hooman, karma.  

Otherwise, just be sure to drink plenty of water – which lubricates our digestive tract.  To ensure proper water intake, I sit at the bathroom faucet and sing sad meows until my hooman finally understands me, which alas can take a while, because she’s not very smart.

Making do with the unpleasantness

If you struggle with hairballs, and you and your hooman have already tried all of the above remedies, then I recommend the following:

As soon as you feel the need to retch, run as fast as possible to your hooman’s bed or, if you don’t think that you’ll make it, to the nearest carpeted area.  A soft perch makes this traumatizing experience more bearable.

When to yowl for help

You may need to see your veterinarian if you experience any of the following symptoms:

• Frequent yet unproductive dry heaves
• You cannot eat for more than 24 hours (How is this even possible?!)
• Significant exhaustion
• A swollen and/or tender tummy

These symptoms may indicate a gastrointestinal blockage. 🐾

Afterword from our Editor-in-Chief, Emily Hoedl (a hooman!):

Cocoa Bean does indeed suffer from hairballs, but let’s not shame her for it.  She deserves lovies, not reprimands!  So, other than the remedies already noted, here are some of the ways that I’ve discretely tackled her – ahem – ‘gastrointestinal predicament’: 

• I take Cocoa Bean to see a groomer at least twice a year.  The extra coat maintenance reduces her hairballs, and because my kitties allogroom, it helps the whole fur-family and preserves my sanity.
• I use fresh cat litter to absorb liquid from hairballs, then I use either a broom or a vacuum to sweep up the dried clumps.  Truly, cat litter has more uses than just its obvious purpose; it is excellent for mopping up all sorts of accidents, whether made by kitty-kind or by us.  Indeed, some grocery stores use it for “Clean up on aisle 5!”
• I bought a machine-washable, water-resistant, surprisingly soft bed protector specifically designed for pets’ accidents, and it lies over my sheets, comforter, and pillows when I’m not in bed.  I also bought a spare, so that if one protector needs to go into the wash, my bed isn’t left unprotected.
• I bought an enzymatic laundry detergent, PetTergent, which works miracles in the wash machine.  I use it as an additive alongside my regular detergent.  It is a little pricey, but only a wee capful is needed per load, so the bottle lasts a long time.  Take note: I don’t usually recommend a particular brand, but this product is amazing.  It also removes cat urine odor and human armpit musk.  (Yep, I said it.)
• I bought an enzyme-based carpet spot cleaner, which lifts up those pesky stains.
• Oh, and lastly, I bought a pair of “indoor shoes”… 😏