Local & National News

The mysterious red dot evades capture again

by COCOA BEAN | Managing Editor

The Yowl Police Department confirms that it continues to hunt for the Mysterious Red Dot.

The Dot was last seen at 10:51pm on November 21st by three prowling toms at the busy intersection of Mews and Scratches in Boxston. Reporters on the scene interviewed the toms. One tom claimed: “Like any self-respecting cat, I attempted to catch the Dot. I stalked it around a corner, chased it up an alley, then pounced on it near a dumpster!” Curiously, the other toms’ stories conflicted with this account. These toms maintained that they chased the Dot into a hooman’s house, where it scaled some window coverings, which the toms shredded during their unsuccessful pursuit. In both accounts, however, the Dot disappeared at the very instant of capture.

With the community facing a kitty-tizzy, Clowder Elders have stressed that these particular toms are unreliable witnesses. In an interview with senior correspondents at Meowsborough Weekly, Lord Meownor voiced his frustrations, saying: “These young men engage in attention-seeking behaviors. They spin tales! The Clowder should doubt that the Dot has been seen, let alone chased, again.”

Be that as it may, the Yowl Police Department takes the alleged sighting seriously. In a press release shared with the Associated MeowPress, Police Chief Huntingdon emphasized that: “Because this prey expertly eludes capture, it triggers our feline hunting instincts. But no matter how tempting it may be, civilians should not chase the Dot. It is a danger to the Clowder. If you spot the Dot, do not engage the suspect. Just call the police.”

Disputing that danger, some civilians wager that the police department’s harsh stance arises from alarming unknowns. Notably, where does the Dot come from? Is it an outsider, or has it been here all along? Is it a spirit sent from the Egyptian goddess Bastet to test our kitty faith? Was the Dot created by hoomans for their twisted amusement? Is it true, as some kitties claim to have seen, that our hoomans manipulate the Dot’s movements with a joystick held in their hands?!

I – Cocoa Bean, Senior Columnist and Managing Editor at Meowsborough Weekly – personally find such viewpoints blasphemous and unimaginable, for I believe that Bastet in whose image we were born protects all kitty-kind, and I know that our hoomans lack sufficient intelligence for betrayal.

But the Yowl Police Department is taking no chances. Investigators assigned to the case note that all such possibilities concern law enforcement. The Dot may be a dangerous criminal, an angry spirit, or a mere manifestation of a hooman-controlled laser that could damage our eyes if gazed upon.

Until the Mysterious Red Dot is apprehended, we may never know the truth.

❤️ Little Miss Zazzy, Newsroom Intern, hunts for the mysterious red dot in a Target bag ❤️

From our Editor-in-Chief, Emily Hoedl (a hooman!):

· Using laser pointers during playtime triggers feline hunting instincts and thereby provides bored and lethargic kitties with much needed mental and physical stimulation. This simulated hunt is especially important for indoor kitties. However, during playtime, be sure to watch your kitties’ body language. If a kitty becomes frustrated with his inability to grab his non-corporeal prey (i.e. seizing a red dot), switch to a different toy so that he can feel rewarded by real capture (e.g. seizing a toy mouse).

· You can purchase laser pointers at pet stores and through online retailers. Brick-and-mortar stores typically sell laser pointers powered by pill batteries. Online retailers sell these units as well as rechargeable units. I personally prefer rechargeable laser pointers so that I don’t have to fumble with tiny pill batteries.

· Never shine a laser into a kitty’s eyes. Direct exposure could damage their cornea, lens, and retina. The tapetum lucidum, an iridescent layer of tissue behind the retina, concentrates and retroreflects light back through the retina, which then converts light into signals interpreted by the brain. Optimally, the tapetum’s retroreflection gives the retina’s photoreceptors two opportunities to detect low light in dim conditions, such as when a cat hunts at night. However, a bright beam from a laser pointer – once honed by the tapetum – could especially overwhelm these photoreceptors, damaging the retina and impairing the cat’s vision.

• PLEASE NOTE: I am not a veterinarian. If you have concerns about your kitty’s eyes, please call your veterinarian right meow.

· Finally, don’t tell Cocoa Bean that humans do indeed control the red dot. We humans shall let our sneaky wiles remain our little secret… 😋