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Holiday Sports

Zoomie your way through winter!

Emily Anne Hoedl

26 Nov 2025 — 2 min read

Zoomie your way through winter!

by SIR WILLIAM | Syndicated Columnist

HEY TOMS, as you head into the 2025 holiday season and your she-kitties start to drive you nuts with nagging meows tomorrow, just remember that there is nothing quite like frenetic zoomies for releasing frustrations!

Zoomies expend significant, pent-up energy – even though they last mere minutes or seconds between naps, snacks, and poops. I especially enjoy a celebratory zoomie after a good poop. (But don’t we all?!) And like any self-respecting tom, I use zoomies to showcase my musculature, flexibility, prowess, and virility for the ladies. I keep score of my races, and I pride myself in beating my prior performances.

Zoomies are a purrfect sport year-round. They can be enjoyed anywhere: outdoors, indoors, outdoors to indoors, indoors to outdoors. And without any need for membership fees or sports equipment, indoor zoomies offer daily free exercise in today’s troubled economy.

That said, indoor zoomie spaces do constrain our man-kitty mojo. To make better use of small homes and one-bedroom apartments, crouch especially low before launch, ricochet off furniture, dash across fireplace mantles, pounce on nutcrackers, leap into bookcases, and climb up Christmas trees. Bonus points if you knock over your hooman’s Christmas tree!

For post-exercise recovery, you’ll need high-quality protein, such as turkey treats on Thanksgiving and crab Churu on Christmas. (Hey, Cocoa Bean! See, I can alliterate! So there!)

So, the next time that your hooman-mama plays Santa Baby on her stereo (shudders!), or your she-kitty meows this and that about the upcoming Christmas masquerade ball (quick, let’s all hide in a box!), launch a zoomie. Blow off some steam and show off your manly metabolism, so that you can enjoy the important things in life meow.

Enjoy the 2025 NFL Thanksgiving games tomorrow!